Closer

Did anyone else see Closer and think it sucks?  I can't imagine a film being more preposterous.  It's the first time in years I've actually felt like leaving the theater in the middle of the movie.  The last time was Mary Reilly - hm...both have Julia Roberts.  Coincidence? 

Anyway, I knew it was going to be tough going after the first line of dialog, Natalie Portman's chirpy, delighted delivery of the first line of dialog: "Hello, stranger."  Never mind that she just got run over by a taxi.  The fakeness embodied in that one line's delivery pretty much sets the tone for the next two hours - unrealistic dialog, unrealistic situations, unrealistic reactions. 

Mick LaSalle, a favorite film critic of mine, sums up Julia Roberts' attempt with delicious accuracy:

"No one has ever described Roberts as anything but an attractive woman. So it says something about the sourness she brings to Anna that it's difficult to imagine any man wanting anything to do with her, much less a fellow who looks like Jude Law, much less one who's going out with Natalie Portman. Actually, if Dan were just released from a federal penitentiary, it would still be difficult to imagine."

I'm certainly no film critic, so this is more of a public service announcement than an attempt at a review.  Save your money!  Go see The Incredibles or Kinsey instead (or Paypal me your $10).

Comments

[Lisa Hirsch]

Yeah, but are Jude Law and Clive Owen in those films? Nooooooo.

Not that there's anything wrong with Liam Neeson, of course.

[Marcus]

Very true, and I'm a big Jude fan. However, Nichols has made every effort to make Jude Law look old and bitter.

Kinsey has Peter Sarsgaard as an incredibly effective seductor. And you get to see him completely naked (not that it's anything that impressive, honestly). Sarsgaard is beautiful but not "pretty", which I like. The movie also has Chris O'Donnell, if he's more to your liking. He's pretty, but not beautiful. De gustibus :)

[Scott Spiegelberg]

I liked Mary Reilly! The two bodies thing was kind of stupid, but I liked everything else. Haven't seen any of the new movies. Hell, I haven't even seen Incredibles yet.